tonight...

So, I'm sitting here crying like a little baby. I just dont understand life sometimes. I have the most wonderful little girl, Korah. She is the light of my life. And, I have Chad, he is so wonderful to me and Korah. Life is so great yet, so bad. I miss Cheryl. Cheryl, I miss you so much. I wish that things would not have went the way they did that day in December. I mean, I cant understand why someone would want to do what Richard Matthews did to you that day. How could he look you in the eyes, when you asked him not to shoot you, and do it ANYWAYS!
I just don't get it. And, then, on the news, I heard that a man shot his wife, then his 5 year old son, and then him self. For what!?!?? I just don't understand. I'm just frustrated and I feel lost. I just miss you cheryl, Korah misses MIMI. She always makes sure that she tells you she loves you every morning on the way to school. She says, I love you mimi, bye mimi!!!!!!!!!!! Every morning. It's so sweet. Cheryl, I miss you. sometimes, I wish that you were on vacation with a boyfriend or something but deep down, I know you arent.. Then, one day you would pop up and say hahhaha.. gotcha!!! I'm just so glad that i got to talk to you that day that morning. We talked about you coming over for Christmas and you didnt know what to get Chad for Christmas. I am sorry that this happened to you and to all of us. Im sorry you were scared. I love you and will always love you. You will always be thought about, every day!!!!! Rest In Peace Cheryl!!
I love you ..

I miss Cheryl, my buddy

Cheryl, this is really to you!! I miss you so much right now. Korah and I started counseling today. I hope that this will help her. She has been angry since you died. Korah said to me, Sunday, "I hate that boy!" and I said, "What boy?" She said, "That boy that shot MIMI and made her die." Cheryl, Korah misses you so much. And, Coty and Brooke's baby will know about you. You made us all so happy. I am sorry for the one time I made you cry, well I didn't really make you cry by being mean... but second time I didn't really make you cry, but we were just talking about things and you cried. Cheryl, I just don't know HOW to live my life without you in it. I miss you coming over eating spaghetti. You used to come over and we would have our malibu and pineapple with extra real rum. And, we were gonna' start tanning the second week of January. I will never get to ever hang out with you again. I think sometimes that you will call me or come knock on the door and say hahaha, gotcha'! I miss you more than you will ever know. I miss everything about. Like I have always said, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BUDDY! You weren't just my mother in law, you were also, my best friend and like a mom to me! Cheryl, I can't believe that you will never be here to do anything with us again. Christmas was NOT the same without you. We miss seeing you smile. I miss you always saying, "my lips are so dry" and I would tell you that your lips are not dry, you were just so used to wearing lipgloss all the time.
You would just laugh and say "nuh-uh they are dry" I will never get to go to a ladies night again with you on a saturday night. We had a blast every single time we went. I just hope that someday I will get through this. That man will be hated by me, for a very very long time. I can't believe that he took you from us. You were supposed to be at me and Chad's wedding and you were gonna' make the cake for me. I just can't imagine never ever getting to see you again. I will never ever forget you MY BUDDY!! I love you so much Cheryl!

Today has been rough

Well, yesterday was Cheryl's 2 boys birthday. Chad, my fiance' and Coty, his brother. She used to always make them a cake and celebrate their big day. Yesterday was soooo hard for me, and it wasn't even my birthday. I don't know what to do now, I don't even feel like going to work. I have to be a mommy to my baby girl, and a wife to Chad. But, it's like I have lost something so special and precious to me and it's hard to just return to life as it was before. Today makes 3 weeks since the murder. I just think about Cheryl all day long, every minute of the day. I miss her, cuz she was my best friend. I miss the goofy times we had. She was so loved here and we know she loved us and I guess that's what makes it even harder. She wasn't just another somebody. She was amazing. I will miss her everyday of the rest of my life. I know shes in heaven now, but it does NOT make it easy to deal with at all. I really wish this would get better, but somhow I dont see it getting better any time soon! Love you Cheryl and Miss you more than anything.

My Best Friend

Wednesday December 23, 2009 will be a day I never forget. At Grady Crawford Construction one of the ex employees came in with a gun and shot my bestfriend/mother-in-law; CHERYL BOYKIN and killed her. This was the worse day of my life. She and I had become so close and she was my best friend. We talked all the time and shared so many things. She was the most wonderful person. Now, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to act, I dont know how to deal with this loss. We didn't get to spend Christmas with her. She was going to come over and spend the night with us and she wanted to cook breakfast for everyone. We didn't get the chance to even see her that day. I talked to her that morning about coming over here to stay and I told her I would get the coffee cuz I know she likes coffee. She meant so much to me. She was the person I went to and talked to about everything. We used to go to Rick & Robin's for ladies night every Saturday night. We used to spend a lot of evenings here at my house making malibu and pineapple. We used to add lots of extra rum to it. I remember those times like they were yesterday. For her wake, me, mawmaw (Cheryl's mom), and Aunt Mardie (Cheryl's sister), had to pick out her clothes. I just cried, and said, "We are not supposed to be doing this right now." Cheryl was a very quiet person but that crazy side started to come out in her within the past few months. I was enjoying everytime we went and did anything. Korah and Mimi used to share lip gloss everytime they saw each other. Korah doesn't even understand what's going on. It has taken a toll on everyone. We don't really know how to help each other because we don't know how to really help ourselves. I pray that things will get better. I just feel like I have lost a part of me. I feel like this man that did this, doesn't even realize what a precious thing he took from our family. She had friends she saw everyday at work, that will never get to see her smiling face again. This just upsets me to even think about it. i talked to Chad on the phone a few days ago and I told him, "I think I'm gonna' call your mom to come over." Right when I said that, I realized that I can NOT call her ever again. And, ever since, it's been so rough.
I MISS MY BEST FRIEND!!!